Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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