you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
