i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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