the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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