My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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