its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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