bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
