You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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