When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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