I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize