The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
