Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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