dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
