The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
