Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
