I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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