let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
