Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
