Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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