I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
