I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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