At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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