Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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