broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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