come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
