One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
