i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
