didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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