I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
