How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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