It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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