I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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