it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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