I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
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My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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