i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize