More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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