I'm drive I can fine osifer
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
