Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
