I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
