don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
