everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
