I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
