Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
