Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
