Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So much rum. So many feels.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
