Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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