I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
