My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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