Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
