Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
