Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
