I got chris browned last night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
