so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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