i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
