We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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