How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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