She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
