New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
