My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he just fucked me for my cheese..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
