Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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