my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you will always have a special place in my vag
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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