8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
