I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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