Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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