I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
