Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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