just tell him i said nine months
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
