I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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