Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
