I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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