Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
