Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
