Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
