I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
