love makes seman taste better
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
