My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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