It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
