just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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